Huskers Bid Freeloader Adieu

A well-meaning soul sent me the clip of Larry the Cable Guy on the “Tonight Show.” That idiot sat next to Scarlett Johansson and told potty jokes, but the real travesty was that he wore a Huskers cap. Yeah, I’ve noticed him on the sidelines at Nebraska football games. He’s supposedly a big fan.

What I’d like to know is: What would it take to eliminate the Huskers cap from his costume? Could we buy him out? I can’t believe that we’re so desperate for a little celebrity rub-off that we’ll put up with Larry the Cable Guy. I don’t care that he was born in Nebraska; his redneck humor is embarrassing, and it reflects poorly on the university that has produced Willa Cather and Johnny Carson, the school where students prepare to become doctors, lawyers, teachers, and professional cornerbacks.

Could we stop issuing him a sideline pass so he can no longer schmooze with players and, oh, incidentally, get free face time on network TV? Could he be persuaded to wear a Jayhawks cap instead? Maybe the Sooners would find he enhances their brand. Brian Bosworth used to prowl the sidelines and get on TV every autumn, and we were reminded by the announcers that he was supposedly an actor, but he seems to have vanished. Maybe Larry the Cable Guy could go to Norman and afflict them guys.

Who should replace Larry as Nebraska’s “big-time” Hollywood supporter? It should be someone classy, like Matthew McConaughey, a Texas Longhorns fan. Not someone cheesy, like Verne Troyer (Mini-Me), a Michigan Wolverines fan.

I wonder if Scarlett Johansson likes football. It wouldn’t matter to me if she’s never even been to Nebraska. She would look terrific in a Huskers cap—maybe they could even make her an honorary Blackshirt.

2 thoughts on “Huskers Bid Freeloader Adieu

  1. I have to disagree somewhat with you on this one. While I would certainly prefer Scarlet Johansen to Larry the Cable Guy and I’ve certainly always envied Kentucky for having Ashley Judd, I would take Larry the Cable Guy over Matthew McConaghey any day of the week. In fact I always tell that to one of the Longhorn fans in the office here, and he tends to agree with me. How in the world could you use the term “classy” and Matthew McConghey in the same sentence? Many other phrases come more quickly to mind, for instance irritating, smarmy, greasy, etc.

    The one famous Nebraska fan I would push to the front would be Justice Clarence Thomas. Evidently he attends every home game that doesn’t conflict with his work schedule. I’m sure most people have forgotten about Anita Hill trying to link him with the infamous “Long Dong Silver.”


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