Dear Mr. Gore,
I would appreciate any suggestions you may have about getting the polar bears out of my front yard. It is difficult enough for the dogs to walk in this 50-mph wind and their eyes are frozen in snow. The bears have tried swimming in our creek, but it is frozen solid.
I can’t let the dogs out onto the patio, as the furniture is blowing around crashing into the fences. The bears would love to get the dogs, but they are way more interested in the salmon and herring they saw me bring in yesterday and the banging on the door is making me very nervous.
Also, I would appreciate your sending some of your carbon trades this way to pay for our heating bill.
Bearly Warm in Indiana
[Editor’s note: The author is better known on this blog as Sneezemom.]